Tuesday, October 12, 2010

New Direction (Vickie- purple)

I've been seriously considering stopping blogging the past month or so. I've been getting an increasing number of "anonymous" hate comments on my blog here. Today I got another one and it really made me upset because it was worded in a way that sounds like someone from my family wrote it. In the spirit of Mathew Shepard and yesterday being National Coming Out Day, and today's events revolving around that, I have decided not to let hate defeat me.

Mesa College, where I have started taking some classes, is trying to start up an LGBT group on campus. I went to their meeting and there was like 12 people there (and it was their 3rd ever!) and 3 of us were trans! In honor of yesterday being Nat'l Coming Out Day, we did a round table on our coming out experiences. It was an amazing experience for me because I have never shared that before, nor heard other stories first hand. It made me feel like I wasn't the only one who had suffered at the hands of homophobic towns or schools or religions or parents. But also, many (if not most) had utterly happy and peaceful coming out experiences which made me very very happy.

Mathew Shepard was a college student in Wyoming that was brutally murdered because he was gay. In light of that, the news and media have been talking about scores of young LGBT that have suffered abuse and hate; bullying and being driven to suicide in the past few weeks. I may get a few hateful messages here, but I'm not going to let that stop me. I'm genderqueer and proud to be part of the LGBT community. I'm also thankful that I have wonderful doctors and therapists that are helping me recover from Lymes Disease, which is no less traumatic than having cancer. I need to reach out into the Lymes community for help and support. I'm not going to be bothered by idiots that dare challenge me that I am "just fine" living sick. Anyone who cares about me would want me healthy and happy.... even if it was JUST an imagined illness.

Its been an amazing week so far. I've reconnected with the Rotary club and plan to get very active in the group, perhaps even being president next year. Yesterday I ran into Bastyr college at Mesa and decided to finally follow my dream of going there. And I am going to have fun playing with body paint with my friends on Thursday and go to free Qigong lessons in Balboa Park next Saturday. I see Dr. Mazza next week and I am going to ask her for approval to start Testosterone. I think I want to start sooner rather than later. I want to change my life NOW. Do the things I've always wanted to do. I only have today to live and tomorrow to dream about. I don't want to wait anymore and always put shoulds in front of wants. I don't live under an authoritarian life/fun sucker anymore. I live under my own authority.


Orvis said...

"I have decided not to let hate defeat me."
You are fantastic. Just saying.

I'm so glad you have the maturity and courage to be yourself in spite of hate. It seems like it's really making you happy, and it's excellent to see.

As to the comments, blogger has a comments setting that requires you to be logged in in order to comment. Perhaps that could be useful, even if it limits slightly who can comment?

Vickie-Bex-Alex said...

thanks for the support Orvis! I will look into that possibility about blogger only comments. Every time I get one, it pretty much ruins my day.

AConcernedCitizen said...

No one is "hating" you, Bex! Are you really so arrogant that you label every comment which might challenge your viewpoint a "hate comment"?

Vickie-Bex-Alex said...

Whoever you are AConcernedCitizen.... how would you liked to be called arrogant, mentally ill, or sick?!?!?! I find comments like that hateful. When I get comments like this every other week, I call it harassment.

If my life is bothering you, then don't read about it. You have been harassing me for months! I don't care nor want your opinions. I believe in treating others as I wish to be treated, which is the only good lesson I ever learned from my disabled mother. DIVERSITY is what makes this world special!

volzer said...

Hey Bex:

Sometimes "Haters" are disguised as just really "Bad Critics," as a part time educator and often a supervisor of creative and VERY diversified artistic staff, I have learned painfully, that while there is room for challenging other's opinions - it must be done in a supportive and sensitive way, or it is NOT productive / does not achieve the desired result. I have the extreme privlege of mentoring LGBT young adults every day, both in Design School and in my professional collaborations, and believe there is no place for such hateful criticism!

Unfortunately your "Critic" either really DOES hate you??? or simply lacks the skill to articulate exactly what it is that they think makes you less of a person then they are???

Since WE know the know the TRUTH - that you ARE an Intelligent and Beautiful and Special person with such gifts for the world - to hell with the critics!

In any case, don't waste your energy on those whom can't support your quest to live a genuine life, and feel you are not entitled to find YOUR place on this planet.


Enfys said...

I just came across your blog, through various links, and have been reading some of it for the last 20 mins.

It's really fascinating, you write so well. I'm sorry that you have been upset by anonymous hateful comments. It's a shame there are such ignorant, mean people around.

Please keep posting, best wishes


Vickie/Alex said...

Thank you Enfys!