Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Flashback (Bex- yellow)

I didn't sleep well last night. I woke up and my energy was a mess. It was "processing" but not right. This morning it was wet and rainy and I felt "damp". I am a fire sign/person, so I lit candles and made some tea and recharged. When i got in the shower, I had a flashback of when I was shaken and hit and trapped in a corner. It was really scary. I spent several hours afterwards working it out and using the skills I have worked so hard to gain this past year from Trauma Touch therapy, from school, from DBT, and from my own intuition. I can't say I enjoyed the process of letting it process.... but I am feeling much better and feel like it actually DID process, and not re-traumatize me. That is a HUGE step. I have never accomplished that before. I know that the massage triggered it. I don't know what I expected or intended from working from a massage therapist, but I do feel that this is the right thing to do. Even just a few weeks ago, I don't think I would have been able to do this.

One thing that has really helped recently is that I got a mugwort plant. It is like the shaman of the plant world. Its pretty awesome. It is a protector plant and has a strong spirit and dispels bad spirits and energy. I sometimes feel like I'm sitting in the presence of a plant that is emanating smiley faces in the air. Its so cool. I wish I got more sunlight in my apartment because I would totally keep a Venus Fly Trap too.

I feel much more optimistic about my next massage now than I did last night. Its been a pretty powerful process this past 12 hours. I'm also glad that I'm doing this every 2 weeks. I need the time in between to fully process anything that happens.

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