Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Frustrated (Alex-Blue)

I feel like I'm spinning a lot of different plates. I decided to go up to Mesa College today. I had to turn in some paperwork by today to get my name changed in the rosters at school. I'm still fighting Mueller about that too. While I was there I wanted to find my classroom and the bookstore. I find that I have to take things in little bites or I get overwhelmed. I got overwhelmed. I found my classroom, then I stumbled upon the commons, and then went searching for the Bookstore. I should have stopped when I stumbled upon the commons. I'm dissociated and dizzy. My new medications don't help either because they are heavily sedating me. In a prefect world I would try to meet the teacher before class starts on Monday. I have a feeling that its going to be to much, with class and everything. One step at a time.

I am waiting on the test results for Lyme. I meet with my doctor on the 2nd of September. My brother and his girlfriend are going to be in town that week as well. In the meantime, I am really starting to struggle with what appears to be arthritis. It makes me worry about my career as a massage therapist. I sat down with the director of bodywork at Mueller and we talked about options and career paths. No matter how I fight it, life is pushing me towards energy work. I don't even believe in energy work!!!

I am becoming frustrated with my psychological team as well. I feel like I am not being respected because at least 6 different major diagnosis's have been thrown around/at me the past few weeks and I'm not getting much say in it. I will be meeting with the supervisor of my psychiatrist on Friday. Who knows what will happen. Everything could get sorted out or everything could go to shit.

Everything is about waiting now. Waiting for Disability insurance. Waiting to be able to start my business rolling. And, at the end of September I have an endocrinology appointment that I am hoping will get the ball rolling to start Testosterone. Hopefully I will have answers and information between now and then to be able to work with the physician more efficiently. Between now and then I will go on with my frustratingly starvation grain-free diet (sans corn) and adjusting to my new meds. Sedation, WHOOOOOOO! (not so good on the focusing on school and driving side of things).

1 comment:

Dad said...

Awww Bex - Sorry there's still so much turmoil - from a good diagnosis to the best path acedemically and professionally. Focus on your spirit first ;-)(gathering steam as you go) and sucess will follow, albeit in little bites.

Continue to post the sucesses on your wall, and tear down the set-backs. I still think you are making amazing progress navagting your life, liberty and pursuit of unveiling your inner core, soul and beauty.

I know I don't say it enough - but I'm sooooo proud of you and would-if-I-could pave you a smooth road to your place in the sun.

All My Love,